(Warning: the links attached to the word “fear” in this post are directed to articles and videos pertaining to State violence)

A die is cast.

South Carolina has decided that all subversive groups must register with the government and Charles “RadGeek” Johnson has responded, clearly, that the ALLiance of the Libertarian Left not only belongs on their register, but we take it as a point of pride.

I applaud Charles in this declarative act of obedient disobedience, even though I felt my stomach tighten.  I want to take a moment to express that I feel fear; also pride, but I want to talk about the fear.

“Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.”  –Aristotle: Rhetoric, Book II

I am fully aware that my moral, political and spiritual beliefs place me in opposition to and in the cross hairs of a criminal band that has abandoned, in accordance with a principle of authority, reason and argument as a method of persuasion.   Without reason “persuasion” is achieved through the application of force to produce conditions of subordination, exclusion and deprivation.

These conditions are heartbreaking and, in the long run, dehumanizing; in other words, it is reasonable to be afraid.

It is important that this fear is acknowledged; that it is discussed and openly felt.

“Our fears do make us traitors.”  Shakespeare, Macbeth.

Stories of bravery in the face of danger, staring down the police at the G20 or staying strong while a jackbooted thugs point a gun in your face are great, but how do they help us deal with the fear one should be feeling in these situations.

These activists are marvelous monuments of towing bravery, but are they scared?  They have to be!  I wish more people would talk about these feelings, how they overcame them and why.

As an anarchist I am not looking for heroes to look up to or follow.  I am looking for a community that will see me as a human and wants me to see them as humans.

“If you’re not ready to die for it, put the word ‘freedom’ out of your vocabulary.”  –Malcolm X.

My biggest fear is succumbing to fear.  What happens to me when I am tested and I fail?  Do I cease being an anarchist?  Am I no longer seen as an equal in the community?  Will I even be allowed to enter?

In my life I have come face to face with brutal police, been drug down stairs in hand cuffs and had police dogs barking, salivating at the chance to complete their training on my tender flesh.  I have been in tiny windowless rooms surrounded by cops who bully, push, threaten and intimidate.  I didn’t run or beg or submit, but I wasn’t brave.  I did the only things that I could: shut down and weep.

If under those conditions, or something worse, someone “broke” or “sold out,” I would not be surprised or angry.  I would probably react the same way as before: shut down and weep.

No one wants to betray the cause that fills them with life.  This is why I hope more people will talk about their fear.

“If submissiveness ceased, it would be over with all lordship.”  –Max Stirner: The Ego and Its Own, My Power.

There is a light at the end of the Statist tunnel, but the tunnel is dark.  I hope I don’t trip or trip anyone along the way.   I am afraid, but I will keep walking forward with my hands open.

It will be a group, a community, which stands up together in solidarity that will eventually dissolve the State.

ALL the Best.